Hogwarts School of Sasscraft and Wizardry
by SiriuslyGeorgia
Summary: A series of mostly unconnected drabbles in which witches and wizards display ultimate levels of sass. A bit of fun and open to requests.
1. Lily sasses James

"I'm so bored." James announces.

I roll my eyes. James is always bored. But still, I remove my eyes from my Potions essay and look at him where he sits beside me. He's watching me, and I feel he's been watching me for a while – instead of doing his homework.

"What do you want me to do about it?" I ask.

He raises his eyebrows suggestively. "Well, you're my girlfriend."

"Oh yes, that's right." I say, standing up.

James makes to stand up too, a giddy grin forming on his face, but I push him back down with a gentle shove. Using my wand, I move the table my essay is resting on so it sits in front of him.

"There you go," I explain in response to his questioning look, "you need more practice on Amortentia."

I stride away from him, towards the girls dormitories. Hearing James' laugh behind me, I turn around just in time to see him shrug and pick up my quill.

**A/N: I'm open to requests, so feel free to add something in your review along the lines of 'I'd like to see character A sass character B'.**


	2. McGonagall sasses Snape

**A/N: This is for Beau2809, who requested McGonagall sassing Snape. I hope you like it!**

Harry's walking past the staffroom when he hears it. McGonagall's voice is raised, but he can't quite make out what she's saying. Feeling too tired after being put through his paces by Angelina in Quidditch practice, Harry's about to slope off when he hears the slick voice of Snape reply.

"My treatment of Longbottom is none of your business, Minerva."

This has Harry fishing his invisibility cloak and an extendable ear out of his bag.

The flesh coloured string is just under the door when McGonagall makes a displeased noise like a cat. "Longbottom is in Gryffindor house, therefore my responsibility."

Snape murmurs something about Neville's incompetence deserving the treatment he receives in Snape's classes. As he tries to push the extendable ear further through the door, Harry feels himself getting angry on Neville's behalf – he's a bit slow, sure, but that doesn't warrant bullying off a Professor.

"With the presence of Professor Umbridge, the High Inquisitor in this castle, we owe it to the students to make their lives here at least bearable, and you targeting Neville Longbottom is unprofessional and, frankly, disgusting."

It takes all of Harry's self-restraint to not run in there and applaud his head of house. He can hear footsteps on the other side of the door, but they're not coming towards him. In his mind's eye, Harry imagines Snape marching up to McGonagall.

"I resent that," says Snape, "I am no longer the boy you taught twenty years ago, and you have no right to talk to me like that."

Silence for a few seconds, then McGonagall speaks icily, "Some would say the Death Eaters had no right to torture the poor boy's parents into insanity."

Previously, Harry assumed there was no-one else in the staffroom, but sharp intakes of breath prove otherwise. The words don't hint towards an accusation, but it's there – even Harry can feel it lingering in the air.

More footsteps, and this time they are leading towards Harry. He barely has time to vault away from the door before it opens and a paler than usual Snape steps out and sweeps down the corridor without even defending himself.


	3. Ginny sasses Draco

**A/N: For MySisterIsASlytherin, who requested Ginny sassing Draco. This went in a weird direction, but I quite like it. Be prepared for 11 year old sass.**

_I'll get him back for making fun of me, _I think as I wait in a hidden alcove in the dungeons. Before I threw it away, my diary told me where the Slytherin Common Room is – the only piece of information it gave me that I'll be using. I'll figure out tomorrow how to get that wretched thing off Harry. But for now all I have to do is wait.

I hear guffaws from down the corridor and hope that Malfoy is with his two cronies. They come into view – yes, Malfoy is there – and I quickly step out in front of them before I chicken out.

"Well, well, well… Weasley, what are you doing down here?" Malfoy asks, even though I'm pretty sure he doesn't care about the answer.

All three of them tower above me, but I manage to say, "I want to speak to you."

Malfoy bursts out in surprised laughter, whilst Crabbe and Goyle just stare at me. I remind myself not to be intimidated.

With a wave of his hand, Malfoy dismisses his friends and they continue into the common room without him. He leans against the wall, smiling lazily, making it clear he only stayed here for amusement.

"Here to beg for money, I suppose?"

If Ron was here, he'd tackle Malfoy and send some backwards curse flying into his own face. I let the insult slide.

"Did you get a valentine, Draco?" I ask, rushing on so he can't answer (it will be really embarrassing if he did get a valentine), "you're just jealous your eyes are colourless, and your hair is the same. No-one wants to go out with you because you're vile. The most you've ever done in your life is not catching a snitch, unlike Harry Potter, who's done more than you'll ever do."

I stop, catch my breath. Draco lifts his wand. I wasn't prepared for him retaliating, I wanted him to step back and apologise, actually. Quickly, I fire the first spell I think of ('Wingardium Leviosa!') and run off in the other direction.


	4. Hermione sasses Ron

**A/N: For rosie0522!**

I sigh; struggling with this bloody Transfiguration essay is not the way I expected to spend my evening. Quidditch practice, on the other hand would be great… or maybe snogging Lavender – if I can get her to stop calling me 'Won-Won' that is. Harry's at one of his secret lessons with Dumbledore and Lavender's off with Pavarti, so I'm stuck here on my own, trying to figure out how to explain the sensation of changing my eye colour.

Hermione enters the Common Room and I wave her over without even thinking about it. Hesitantly, she takes the armchair next to me. I decide to bypass the fact that we've barely spoken in months.

"How much do you know about Human Transfiguration?" I ask as though I'm unaware she must know everything there is to know.

She eyes me wearily. "Enough."

"Come on, Hermione, I'll love you forever if you help me." I say desperately.

Immediately I know I've said the wrong thing as Hermione jolts out of the chair. "Maybe you should just ask your girlfriend."

Lavender can't transfigure to save her life, and Hermione knows it. I watch as my former friend flounces away. Just as Hermione reaches the portrait hole, Lavender enters with Parvati trailing behind her. Hermione spares a glance at me over her shoulder before saying something to Lavender.

I curse internally. What is she saying?

Lavender looks angry and begins to walk over to me. Oh, Merlin. I prepare myself to be berated, so I'm surprised when Lavender kisses me.

"Granger just said that I'd better come over here and rescue you because you look like a dying flobberworm. How dare she?!"

Amused because it's probably an accurate representation, I try to keep a straight face. "You don't think I look like a dying flobberworm, do you?"

"Of course not Won-Won!" She cries, and leans in for another kiss.

I really need to break up with Lavender.

Well played, Hermione. Well played…


	5. Sirius sasses Molly

**A/N: Another one for Beau2809! This is more of a rant than sass, but you're just going to have to deal with it.**

The tensions are high in No. 12 Grimmauld Place. Various members of the Order of the Phoenix sit around the table, many with their heads bowed in thought, others rapidly discussing strategies with those around them. Only Sirius stands; apart from the group, leaning over the sink.

"We have to get him." Remus says, as if it's the only option they should be considering.

Almost all of the others nod – some reluctantly – and it sets a spark of hope igniting in Sirius.

Mrs Weasley slams her hand down on the table. "He's safer there, where he has his mother's magic to protect him!"

"Molly…" begins Mr Weasley, but his wife cuts him off.

"No, Arthur! It's completely reckless getting him now – we have to get him here closer to September. They're expecting us to do exactly what you're suggesting."

Remus opens his mouth, one of the only members who will actually stand up to the redheaded woman, but Sirius has had enough and turns like a whip.

He begins quietly, "Do you have any idea, Molly, what it's like to know nothing? To go through a traumatic experience that leaves one of your friends' dead, then being shut away," too personal, Sirius thinks, "as if you don't matter? It's one thing being shunned by his enemies, but his family? Me? Harry should be our number one priority right now, and if we can get him here alive, then we do it. Soon."

"But– "

He's nearly shouting now, "No buts, Molly! You don't have any idea how he must be feeling now – I do, and if we don't rescue him as soon as possible, he's going to go insane."

Remus puts a calming hand on Sirius' shoulder, and the latter ends his tirade.

"I think that settles it," grunts Alastor Moody, "we'll get the boy tomorrow."


	6. Harry sasses Voldemort

**A/N: I don't like this much, but here it is. For LM Ryder the Batty Bat! (I have ten to do so far, and I'm at school and revising, so be patient to see your request!)  
**

Bellatrix goes limp and falls to the floor.

I look to my wand, it's poised towards Bellatrix, as if I delivered the fatal blow – did I?

Immediately Voldemort's eyes find me across the room, like he's shooting the killing curse right out of his eyes. Everyone else in the room disappears, Order members and Death Eaters alike, leaving me, The Boy Who Lived, and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

"Harry… Potter," Voldemort snarls.

I walk towards him, stepping over bodies of friends and enemies. Nothing else matters in this moment. Ice flows through my veins.

"Did I kill darling Bellatrix?" I ask, coming to a stop next to the body of the evil witch in question.

My opponent's eyes are fixed to his right-hand woman. "Her?" He scoffs. "She means nothing to me."

"You mean, she _meant _nothing to you."

He lets out a shrill scream that pierces my eardrums. As the jet of light is firing towards me, it occurs to me that he yelled the Cruciatus Curse. I deflect it easily.

"You're right; she meant nothing to you," I say.

Voldemort opens his mouth as if to prove me wrong, to declare his undying love for the dead woman, but no words come out and he remains still, staring at the body. Perhaps he is wondering how to get to her corpse quickest.

Keeping a steady eye on Voldemort, I goad, "I know your secret."

Finally, his eyes flick to mine.

I smile. "You _want _to love her. You see the way she looks at you, and you want to look at her the same, but, as always, you're incapable. You knew the way my mother protected me through love, so you took her blood in the hope you could love too, but you can't, can you?"

Almost imperceptibly, Voldemort shakes his head. He takes a step towards me, trying to scare me into leaving Bellatrix's body behind. I don't move.

"I can love," I declare, "I could even love _her _if I wanted to." I nudge Bellatrix with my foot.

As my toe connects with her shoulder, Voldemort leaps towards me, wand forgotten. His mouth is open as he yells.

"HARRY WAKE UP!"

I jolt awake. I'm in my four-poster in Hogwarts, writhing and sweating. I'm nowhere near any dead bodies, nor am I being attacked by Voldemort. Ron's standing over me, looking concerned yet not surprised.

After reassuring him that I'm fine, I turn over and try to forget the disturbing dream.


	7. Tonks sasses Remus

**A/N: For rosie0522!**

Despite the battle raging around me, I have one thought: get to Remus. I dodge curse after curse, sending a few of my own at the Death Eaters.

I see him just as a curse whips past his ear. Without even thinking, I take down the Death Eater that sent it. Remus turns to see the person that just saved his life, but his face falls as he takes in my appearance. I changed my hair to grey, in an attempt to draw less attention – therefore less curses – to me, but my husband recognises me anyway.

"Why did you come?" he asks as he runs down the corridor to me.

"I had to," I say truthfully. How he thought I'd stay behind whilst he went off risking his life, I don't know. I send a stunning spell at an approaching Death Eater, and Remus sends a killing curse at another. I don't watch to see if it finds its mark.

Remus seems to accept my words, for now. Scanning the corridor, he pulls me into a fairly large alcove hidden by a surprisingly intact tapestry. His voice sounds close to breaking as he voices his next question, "What about Teddy?"

"He's with my mum, she'll look after him."

I meant she'll look after him tonight, because we'll be back soon to take care of him ourselves, but from the look Remus gives me, I know he thinks we've just signed our own death sentences.

"Our son needs you," he pleads, "he needs you alive and looking after him."

For a moment I consider leaving the battle and going back to a safe haven with my mother and my child, but I push that thought out of my head.

"No, Remus," I say firmly, "_you_ need me here, fighting alongside you. Teddy needs me here, to ensure that he can grow up in a world with no prejudices against him, or anyone else. _Our son _needs me here so we can end this, and he can be proud that both of his parents took part in making our world a better place."

Agonising moments pass as I wait for a response off Remus. Finally, he nods stiffly.

"Just do one thing for me," he says quietly. "Make your hair pink again… if you – die, you should die yourself."

I gladly do as he requests. We leave the alcove, the weary werewolf and his bubble-gum pink haired metamorphmagus wife. As much as I want to touch him, to reassure myself he's not going anywhere, we both need our wand arms free in the battle.


	8. Tonks sasses Snape

"Snape!" I shout through the Hogwarts gates. I don't know why I'm still here, but I see him and my vocal chords move of their own accord.

The man in question turns towards me, his robes billowing in the September wind. "Ah, _Nymphadora_, what can I do for you?" His tone makes it obvious he doesn't mean it. Nevertheless, he walks towards the gates, though makes no attempt to open them.

"What did you mean before, about my patronus?" I ask, trying not to let my expression betray me.

Snape surveys me. "It's Lupin, correct?"

He knows it is, he saw it himself less than an hour ago, when he called it weak, and he's not stupid,but he wants an answer off me anyway. He's trying to upset me further. I nod once.

"So you are in love with _the werewolf."_ He says the name as if he's expelling poison from his mouth.

I realise now why I stayed – I need to defend, to explain, to proclaim my love to at least someone.

"Yes, I'm in love with the werewolf," I say, surprised at how steady my voice sounds, "because despite being a werewolf, he's one of the most caring, compassionate men in the world, and I don't care what you or anyone else thinks."

"Well it's a good thing you don't, because everyone else will be disgusted."

My fingers are itching to pull out my wand, but I force myself to settle for a death glare instead of a death curse. "You're just bitter that no-one loves you."

Snape takes a step back, his face falling, making me think I've hit a nerve. Good.

Throwing one last loathing glare at Snape, I spin, letting the familiar pull of Disapparition take me away.


	9. McGonagall sasses Dumbledore

**A/N: For rosie0522 and Beau2809!**

McGonagall brushes past Snape as the latter exits the Headmaster's office looking troubled. She sweeps into the office, closing the door firmly behind her.

As always, Dumbledore doesn't look fazed by the obvious rage on his Deputy's face. "Minerva– "

"You're raising him like a lamb to the slaughter!" the witch accuses.

Dumbledore remains frustratingly calm as McGonagall thrusts an accusing finger in his face. "It is, regretfully, necessary."

McGonagall is taken aback. "Albus! How can you say that? This is a boy you're talking about, with a promising future ahead of him, and you're just going to give him to You-Know-Who because it's the easy option!"

"It is the only option," sighs the old man. Minerva can see the regret in his eyes, but she doesn't care.

"The only way to kill him, perhaps, though there are many other ways to strip a wizard of his power."

Quietly, Dumbledore says, "No other way will work, not with Lord Voldemort."

McGonagall understands why, and if she wasn't too attached to the boy, she may even rejoice that there's finally a way to end it all for good. But this is the boy who impressed her with his seeking skills in his first year, the boy who asked _her_ to sign his parental permission slip for Hogsmeade, the boy who she promised she would see become an Auror.

"I can't accept that. Harry has spent his whole life fearing and facing up to You-Know-Who," a pointed glance from the man across the desk, "all right, V- Voldemort, and now you're going to tell him he needs to let the same wizard kill him?"

"It is the only option," Dumbledore repeats, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"And the worst thing is that Harry will probably do it, because you're one of the only role models he has left. He doesn't deserve this, Albus, he doesn't deserve any of this, but he has valiantly picked himself up from all of his previous setbacks, including the deaths of so many loved ones. You're going to force him, maybe not literally but you will still force him, to do the one thing he can't recover from."

"I know," whispers Dumbledore, "but it still must be done."

Disgusted, Minerva walks to the door. She addresses Dumbledore one more time before leaving the office, "James and Lily wouldn't want this."


	10. Ginny sasses Lavender

**A/N: For MunchkinsNarglesandLuna!**

It's coincidence, really, how Lavender and I end up in a fairly empty common room – if coincidence now means a handful of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes products, that is.

"Hi Lavender!" I bounce up to Ron's girlfriend, who's sat alone in his favourite chair by the fire.

Lavender looks pleasantly surprised by my appearance, as I have never paid her any attention before. "Hi Ginny, how are you?"

I perch on the arm of Hermione's favourite chair and lean over. "I'm great thanks, I just thought since you've been going out with Ron for about two months now–"

"Sixty seven days," she corrects, smiling.

"Sorry, for sixty seven days… I thought I'd just tell you how glad I am you're his girlfriend."

Beaming, Lavender exclaims, "Really?"

"Yeah," I say, jumping up, "he hasn't been hung up on Hermione for at least two weeks now."


	11. Neville sasses Sirius

**A/N: This is flawed, I know, and not truly in keeping with the theme, but I think it captures Neville quite well. For CodenameJellybean!**

Neville wished that, when Ron's scream awoke him, he ran over to Sirius Black with bravery previously unheard of and set a body-bind curse on him. He wished that, with Black suitably immobilised, he started yelling at the escaped prisoner for trying to kill one of Neville's own.

Then, he would've seen the slip of paper crumpled in Black's hand, the passwords Neville himself wrote. This would've set off a flame of rage so strong Seamus and Dean would've had to hold him back to stop him pummelling Neville with his bare hands. After Neville had launched an impressive range of expletives at the powerless Black, he would've carried him down the stairs. A thirteen year old boy carrying the most wanted criminal single-handedly would've earned him respect for life.

No-one would make fun of him then, he'd be a true Gryffindor.


	12. Neville sasses Snape

A/N: Another for CodenameJellybean!

"Five points from Gryffindor for that disgraceful concoction, Longbottom." Snape sneered as he glided past my cauldron without even looking at it.

Part of me bristled at his assumption, but the rest of me plucked up the courage to say my next words. "But, Sir, there's nothing wrong with my potion!"

This got his attention. He peered down at my potion, looked at me, then returned to staring at my potion. It was exactly as described in the textbook, right down to the wisps of blue smoke trailing in the air.

"You had help, obviously," said Snape, glancing at Hermione Granger.

Using all of my Gryffindor bravery, I looked Snape in the eyes as I said, "I didn't Sir, I did it by myself."

Judging by the look on his face, Snape didn't believe me. He opened his mouth again, probably to take more points off Gryffindor for insolence.

I cut in quickly, reciting all the steps I had taken to make the potion, making sure as I went that my descriptions didn't match too closely the ones in the book for fear of being branded a cheat.

Draco Malfoy laughed as I came to the end of the instructions.

Snape raised his eyebrows slowly. "Well, it seems just this once, Longbottom, you have managed to make a passable potion. No points from Gryffindor after all." The last bit seemed particularly hard for him to spit out.

"Class dismissed," called Snape as he returned to the front of the room.

Even though the Slytherins were still laughing as I left the dungeon, I felt a surge of pride unlike anything I'd ever felt before.


	13. Hermione and Harry sass Umbridge

A/N: For 17Hope!

As I do twice a week, I slide behind my desk in the classroom, take out my book, quills and parchment, and wait. This time though, I deviate from the routine slightly. Instead of putting my wand in my bag, as per instructions, I slide it up my sleeve.

"Hem, hem," Umbridge coughs from the front of the room.

Months ago, this silly titter provoked eye-rolls from almost all of the students. Now, though, the biggest reaction I notice is a slight sigh coming from Harry on my right.

"Chapter 29," she announces, "there will be no need to talk."

Harry doesn't put up a fight, which I assume is due to the fact we had a DA meeting last night. Even though I've already read the whole textbook, I flick to the correct page and pretend to read the words.

Under the desk, my hand clasps around my wand. With my eyes still trained on the book in front of me, I quickly levitate a piece of chalk and use it to silently write five words on to the blackboard. In my peripheral vision, I see the whole class shift their attention to the board, one by one. Harry glances at me, and Ron does the same from Harry's other side. They're both smiling.

Umbridge doesn't even notice until I risk underlining the words. The chalk makes a screeching noise against the board. The professor's pink-topped head snaps up to the class, and follows their attention to the board. I force myself to complete the line, and then add an exclamation mark for emphasis.

USE MAGIC TO FIGHT BACK!

As she takes in the words, Umbridge gets to her feet, her face an intense red. She scurries to the board to scrub them off. Whilst her back is turned, I slip my wand into my bag. Harry has other ideas, and uses the moment to snatch his wand out of his bag, wave it pointlessly and place it obviously on his desk. Both Ron and I attempt to grab his wand, but Umbridge turns just as he bats our hands away.

"Harry Potter," Umbridge snarls quietly, "how _dare _you spread this disgusting, traitorous language in my classroom, in my school!"

I open my mouth to take the blame, suddenly regretting my actions, but find myself unable to speak. Harry briefly takes his eyes off Umbridge to glance threateningly at me, and I realise he silenced me in order to take the blame.

"This is not your school," Harry says calmly, "it's Dumbledore's school."

Umbridge steps forward so she is stood directly in front of Harry. "I think you'll find I am headmistress here, insolent boy. Detention for the rest of the month ought to set you straight."

Harry nods and smirks. He knows the detentions are worthless, as we haven't planned more DA meetings until next month. Apparently he thinks getting his hand sliced up is worth this small victory.


	14. Rose sasses Scorpius

**A/N: For jilyshippingforever!**

Outside the Great Hall, I march up to Scorpius and yank on his blue striped tie, causing him to focus on me instead of the doors he was about to enter.

"Yes, Rose?" he asks, smirking.

I glare at him. "You bloody well know what, Malfoy!"

Lazily, Scorpius removes my hand from his tie. "Oh I do, just enlighten me one more time will you?"

I try to look intimidating, but Scorpius' six foot frame and the way he tugs playfully on one of my curls make me look like a child. I bite back my most commonly used reply ("I am _seventeen _years old, get _off _my hair") in favour of a different plan.

Once again, I grasp his tie, but this time I pull him down so that I can reach his lips. He's shocked, at first, by the kiss but returns my enthusiasm in no time.

When I resurface, I say, "Next time you tell my cousin I'm 'a great shag', I'm afraid I'll have to make it so you can never do it again," I wave my wand threateningly in his direction and, sensibly, he steps back, "and I guarantee you'll never get a kiss like that again."

Turning my back on Scorpius, I push open the doors to the Great Hall where most of the students are eating lunch.

I step inside the Hall just as Scorpius says, "But, Weasley, you _are _a great shag."

Raucous laughter erupts from the Gryffindor table and I don't have to look to know it's coming from James, Albus and Fred.

Needless to say, Scorpius doubles over in pain at a flick of my wand (nothing to cause irreversible damage, but enough to teach him a lesson).

I am _so _not sitting with my family. Ever.


	15. Remus sasses Sirius

A/N: For RedStripes! (Sorry it's so angst-y but I really wanted to write this scene.)

Upon hearing footsteps, Remus painfully lifts his head, and then wishes he hadn't. Stood there is the very last person he wants to see. Sirius slumps in the chair at the side of Remus' hospital bed, dark circles under bloodshot eyes, haphazard robes, unkempt hair. It makes him look fifty instead of fifteen, but Remus doesn't care.

"I nearly killed him," rasps Remus.

Sirius lifts his eyes to meet Remus' accusing stare. "You didn't –"

"I could've done," Remus whispers harshly, "I could've killed him, and it would have all been your fault."

Sirius wrings his hands, like he's grasping the last shred of himself. "My fault," he cries desperately, "not yours, Moony, mine!"

"But it would've been mine, wouldn't it?" He doesn't wait for a reply, knowing Sirius would be unwilling to give one. "Because I'm Moony. I already have to live with the fact that I'm a werewolf, and you were willing to make me live with the guilt of killing someone, and deal with the consequences. You realise, right, that if I had killed him, I could've been sent to Azkaban for the rest of my life?"

Sirius looks on the verge of tears – Remus has never seen him this unhinged. "I'm sorry; I wasn't thinking! I just thought…" he trails off, looking anywhere but at the pale, bruised boy in the bed.

Remus didn't think it was possible to raise his voice in his current condition, but he surprises himself by almost shouting. "You just thought that you'd use me to end your petty feud with Severus Snape, regardless of what would've happened to me. You sent someone off to his death, Sirius! That's sick, you're sick!" Remus stares hard at Sirius until, finally, Sirius looks back. Remus lowers his voice ever so slightly, knowing his next words will cut the deepest, "James risked his life. James could've died too; I would've killed him but his blood would've been on your hands."

Sirius is lost for words, and Remus doesn't have anything else to say, but Sirius still doesn't leave.

"I'm sorry," Sirius chokes out, after what feels like an eternity of silence.

Remus opens his mouth, to say what, he doesn't know. Sirius looks so… broken; Remus almost wants to ease his conscience, if just a little.

The thought rushes out of Remus' mind as quickly as it formed, as James appears at the entrance to the Hospital Wing at that precise moment. The box of Honeydukes chocolate he was carrying drops to the floor with a thud, drawing Sirius' attention. Upon seeing James, Sirius jumps up from his chair, but has no opportunity to move before James has raced over.

"What did I tell you?" James asks fiercely. "Stay away from Remus."

Sirius mumbles a reply, but, apparently it's not enough for James, as a second later Sirius is sprawled on the floor, his cheek red from James' fist.

Normally, Remus wouldn't condone the violence, but in this moment he can only wish it was him that punched Sirius.


	16. Lily sasses Snape

**A/N: For Beau2809!**

"It's James Potter, Lily!" Severus shouts. "What are you thinking?" He sounds so desperate; he wants me to cave and say I don't know what I'm thinking, that I've made a mistake, that I was wrong.

But I know what I'm thinking, I've made no mistake and I wasn't wrong.

I look my former best friend levelly in the eyes and match his tone perfectly. "They're Death Eaters, Sev! What are you thinking?"

I almost want to smile at the way his face falls, but something hidden within the memories we share stops me.

He's speechless. I know from his face that he thought I had no idea, but I do.

"Yeah, I know. I know, and I lost all respect for you the second it was proved to me."

This snaps him into words. "And who proved that to you?" He snarls. "James Potter?"

Obviously, the look on his face is meant to scare me, make me back away but instead I take a step closer and speak quietly.

"Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. All you need to know, Snape," my use of his last name breaks any previous bond we had, "is that James Potter is ten times the man you'll ever be, and has one hundred times the capacity to change. You don't have the right to pass judgement on me anymore. Kindly never talk to me again."

With that, I leave him, and everything he signifies, behind.


	17. Ginny and Fleur sass Bill

**A/N: For Beau2809!**

From her place on the sofa Fleur calls, "Darling, I 'ope you 'ave not forgotten my tea."

In the kitchen, Bill mutters to himself about how goblins are less demanding than his wife. Regardless, he makes her tea and carries it into the living room, along with some bouillabaisse – pregnancy always seems to make Fleur crazy for the stuff.

He smiles when he sees his wife and his sister sitting side by side on the sofa. Just a few years ago, Ginny would have had to be bribed to sit anywhere near Fleur. Now, though, they sit and laugh as friends, their chatter interspersed with the shrieks of two young, blonde-haired girls playing on the floor – fortunately both his own children. He can't imagine his little sister ever having children, he thinks as he passes his wife the mug. Ginny's over twenty years old, and married, but he still views her as a vulnerable eleven year old.

"Where's mine?" Ginny asks, eyeing the exchange.

Fleur grins as she leans back to rest her plate on her baby bump.

"Wait until you're pregnant, then I'll wait on you," Bill jokes.

Ever so slightly, Fleur's face changes. Is there something wrong with the baby? The words are on the tip of Bill's tongue when he notices Ginny smirking.

"All right then," Ginny says, "in that case, I'll have some pumpkin juice and a bit of that French stuff."

"But I just said – " Bill begins, then stops.

Fleur sighs dramatically. "She said she'd 'ave pumpkin juice and some of ze bouillabaisse."

"You're not…?" Bill whispers.

Ginny nods. She's pregnant.

"Can I have some bouillabaisse, Daddy?" Victoire asks, much to the approval of her younger sister, who giggles happily.

Bill turns to look at his beautiful daughters. "Of course, sweetheart," he says to his eldest daughter. "Do you want some too, Dom?"

Dominique nods, and giggles some more. Bill smiles at both of them.

Behind him, Ginny says to Fleur, "Well that went better than expected."

"Just wait for me to kill Uncle Harry, girls."


	18. Harry sasses Hermione

**A/N: This was a request, but I'm not sure who by, so this is for whoever requested!**

"It would be great if I could go into the Common Room without seeing Ron sticking his tongue down Lavender's throat. It's disgusting! And then I have to go up to the dormitory, just to hear her go on and on to Parvarti about how marvellous he is," rants Hermione _again,_ and I'm listening _again._

She goes on about how shallow Lavender is, and how superficial Ron is because everyone can see he doesn't actually like her. This last part, I have to admit, is true. It's a miracle Madam Pince hasn't come shouting about how much of a sin it is to talk about relationships in a library.

Hermione's too wrapped up in her Ron-centred woes to notice when I pull my potions textbook out of my bag and start scanning it for useful annotations.

"Harry," says Hermione, softly. The change in tone catches my attention and I close the textbook slowly and place my arm over it so she doesn't catch the title. "What do you think?"

I know what I'm supposed to say to this. "Ron's a – "

She cuts me off. "No, don't just agree with me. I know you don't think badly of either of them. What do you really think?"

"Do you want the truth?"

Hermione thinks about it. "Yes," she says with conviction.

I take a deep breath. "I think you're jealous. No, actually, I know you're jealous," I pause to let her deny it, she doesn't. "You weren't sure before, but when you first saw them together, you knew you liked him and you realised you missed your chance."

Silence, then, "Do you really think I've missed my chance?"

Not what I was expecting. I shake my head. "Ron and Lavender won't last."

Hermione seems mollified by this. I'm glad, until her gaze rests on the book. "Harry! That thing's dangerous."

"So are you after you see Ron and Lavender together."

Deciding this is the best time to make my escape, I claim a false meeting with Slughorn and scarper.


	19. Lily sasses Petunia

Stood on Platform 9 3/4, I try to feel happy that I'm going back for my third year, but I can't. Not when I'm leaving this behind.

"Look at all the freaks!" Petunia sneers. She's stood a few metres behind me, on Mum's left.

Even though I have my back to them, I can see the look of thinly veiled embarrassment on my parents faces.

"Petunia dear," Dad says calmly, "be quiet."

Despite the warning, Petunia carries on whining about being here, about being close enough to 'catch the freak disease' and about how proud she is of being normal, unlike her weirdo sister.

I stand, silent, as my parents try to shut her up. Petunia is attracting looks from curious Ravenclaws and murderous looking Slytherins. I pretend I have no idea who she is.

Unfortunately, my friends aren't here yet, not even Sev, who is the only person who I think could comfort me right now. He would murmur to me about all the things my sister's missing out on, and about how she's jealous that I'm special.

A Hufflepuff prefect walks up to me, identifiable from the badge already on her chest. Immediately, I'm intimidated, as she's at least two years older than me. She looks sympathetic as she bends down to my level. "That's your sister, right?" She asks, glancing over my shoulder.

I nod mutely.

"Mine was exactly the same, though not as vocal," she confesses, "you just need to know how to shut them up."

"How?" I ask, curiosity pushing away my shyness.

The girl leans in as if she's about to reveal a huge secret. Normally, I'd be annoyed at being treated like a child, but Petunia's words have belittled me past caring. "Make her feel like the freak."

After giving me a soft push in Petunia's direction, the prefect moves over to join friends who call her Emmeline.

I take a deep breath, my mind automatically forming what I'm about to say. Striding to stand a metre away from Petunia, I focus myself on her scowling face.

"You know what, Petunia?" I begin with a clear voice. "You're the freak here…" I point at her for impact and she shrinks away from me, "all of these people are like me. We can do things you can only dream of, and you hate that you don't belong here; don't belong in my world. So while I'm off all year in a magical castle learning how to brew potions that could save your life, and how to turn your hair bows into rats, you'll be stuck in an average school learning how to conjugate French verbs with your boring friends."

Petunia opens her mouth, but I'm not finished yet.

"You may think we're the freaks, but we pity you."

Having said my piece, I turn on my heel to discover Sev is stood right behind me, beaming.

"We do pity you, Petunia." Sev assures her before putting a hand on my shoulder to lead me away.

As we walk away, I see Emmeline smiling and giving me a thumbs up. I smile at her in thanks. Unsurprisingly, I get a few strange looks from students and parents alike, but the hustle and bustle of the platform has kept me mostly anonymous.

I remember something that causes me to face my sister again. Her mouth is open, and she has tears in her eyes. I try to care, but realise I don't.

"Bye Mum, bye Dad!" I shout, giving them a huge wave.

Dumbstruck, they slowly wave back, but I'm sure I can see a small look of pride blooming on both of their faces.


	20. Harry sasses Hermione again

A/N: I've already done this request but didn't check it off my list and did it again, so enjoy (again)

"If Victor Krum comes into the library one more time…" Hermione trailed off, perhaps thinking of a spell vicious enough for those who disturb the peace of the library.

Once again, I was left wishing that I had a friend other than her. Not that I wanted Ron to ever talk to me again, after accusing me of putting my name in the goblet.

"I swear, all he does is get fawned over," continued Hermione, craning her head to get a view of the boy in question, who was hunched over at a table a few aisles over. Predictably, he was circled by at least ten girls.

I sighed. "No offence, Hermione, but I've heard nothing but Krum from you for the past two weeks."

Hermione coughed and blushed. "I talk about other things, too!"

"Like how you wish Ron and I would become friends again…"

"Yes, exactly."

"…so you can be left on your own to drool over _Victor Krum_."


	21. Bellatrix sasses Narcissa

**A/N: For Rosie0522!**

"You will at least meet Malfoy," Bellatrix commands, lounging on a sofa in 12 Grimmauld Place.

Her sister walks across the room to sit, straight-backed, on a chair. "I've had enough of you ordering me around, Bella."

"Imagine you with Lucius Malfoy, on the Dark Lord's left hand side!"

Narcissa snorts. "I presume you're on his right hand side."

"Of course," Bellatrix glows with pride, apparently having missed the laced-with-sarcasm tone. She leans forward eagerly, "It will be a massive honour for the Black family!"

"Why don't _you _just marry Lucius Malfoy if it will be such an honour?"

Bellatrix glances down, almost ruefully, at the wedding ring on her left hand. "Rabastan is as high, if not higher than Lucius in the Dark Lord's favour."

"Now that's a lie, and you know it."

"How dare you insult my husband!" Bellatrix starts to rise, her wand suddenly at attention. She catches herself and settles rigidly back into her chair, clearing her throat. "Was that you standing up for Lucius, Cissy?"

Narcissa pauses, frowning at her sister. "No, I was merely stating a fact that Lucius Malfoy is more highly regarded than your… husband."

Narrowing her eyes, Bellatrix stands; the movement causes Narcissa to flinch.

"Oh, Cissy, relax," laughs Bellatrix, leaning around the door. "Kreacher!" she calls.

A few seconds later, the drooping house-elf lumbers into the room. "Yes, Mrs Lestrange?"

"Go to the Malfoy's," she orders, "tell that creepy little Dobby that Narcissa Black wishes to see Lucius."

"But–" Narcissa protests, but Kreacher has already disappeared with a crack.

Bellatrix turns around with a cold smile. "You have no choice now, you wouldn't want to disappoint Mr Malfoy, would you?"


End file.
